English Sort Stories
He says to his new wife, “Honey, I’ll be right back…”
“Where are you going coochy coo…?” asked the wife.
“I’m going to the bar, pretty face. I’m going to have a
beer.”
The wife says to him, “You want a beer, my love?” Then she opens the door to the refrigerator and shows him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.
The husband doesn’t know what to do, and the only thing that he can think of saying is, “Yes, loolie loolie… but the bar… you know… the frozen glass…”
He doesn’t get to finish the sentence, when thewife interrupts him by saying, “You want a frozen glass, puppy face?”
She takes a huge beer mug out of the freezer so frozen that she is getting the chills holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, says, “Yes, tootsie roll, but at
the bar they have those hors d’oeuvres that are really delicious… I won’t be long. I’ll be right back. I promise. OK?”
“You want hors d’oeuvres, poochi pooh?” She opens the oven and takes out 15 dishes of different hors d’oeuvres: buffalo wings, nachos mushroom caps, chicken strips, etc.
“But sweet honey… at the bar… you know… the swearing, the
dirty words and all that…”
“You want dirty words, cutie pie?…
DRINK YOUR FUCKING BEER IN YOUR FROZEN FUCKING MUG AND EAT YOUR FUCKING DAMN SNACKS BECAUSE YOU AREN’T GOING ANYWHERE!! GOT IT ASSHOLE?!!”
RoboTeacher
A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all.
On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.
He had no trouble with discipline that term.
My Sister Is In The Army
Bring it back
A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.
“I have just the thing,” says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer.
“Just place this between your cheek and gum.”
The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech.
“And what if I swallow it?”
“No problem,” says the barber. “Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does!”
Sender: Ho Xuan Trieu [xtrieu@vol.vnn.vn]
